THE ROOT 9: 33.2

Are we reflecting or replaying?

What I learned (or was reminded of) this week is the subtle but profound importance of definitions. This sounds a bit silly, but hear me out. Is there a world in which you have modified your definition of a word so commonly used in our language that it has gotten murky in your mind, and the true intention of the practice is no longer manifesting in how you think about it?

Let’s look at “reflection”. The key word in its definition is meditation. That word carries a positive connotation and suggests an intentional, mindful engagement with the past for the clear purpose of gaining insight and perspective. A successful reflection should restore your energy and build resilience. Its focus is rooted in reality (“what actually happened?) and the outcome should always lead to clarity, actionable steps, and personal growth.

But do we sometimes think we are practicing reflection when really we are unintentionally slipping into rumination?

Rumination is the opposite force. It is often automatic, driven by anxiety, guilt, or fear. Its principles are draining, resulting in a loop of thinking that is laced with self blame and harsh self judgment. Rumination obsessively focuses over what ifs, hypotheticals, and negative scenarios that may never happen. It is an endless loop that ultimately saps your energy, peace, and confidence.

This distinction is what made me pause this week. We often initiate a thought process believing we are engaging in beneficial reflection, only to have it spiral into obsessive rumination because our intention was driven by anxiety, not mindful inquiry. The action felt the same - sitting and thinking - but the internal energy was entirely different.

We owe it to ourselves to be vigilant about which process we are allowing to take hold. If the outcome of your thinking leads to exhaustion and more anxiety…pull the emergency brake! If the outcome leads to clarity and a clear next step, you are in the right direction. Recognizing that difference is the first step in restoring your mental energy.

Simple Power of Hot Water

A long while back, I was sitting on a flight headed to Miami and had a lovely conversation with my plane mate. He noticed I was working on my newsletter and asked me what I wrote about. We got to chatting, and when drinks were served by the flight attendant, he simply ordered boiling hot water with lemon, no tea.

Feeling pretty comfortable, I asked him why.

He explained that when visiting China a while back, he experienced that restaurants there commonly serve hot water instead of cold when you are seated. This is a practice that has very old roots, dating back to the Zhou dynasty, and it is fascinating to look into the history of it. (See more here)

But his reason was simple and practical: it helped him regulate his digestion, especially since flying can really mess with your system.

I hadn’t thought about that conversation in a while until a couple sitting next to me while I was grabbing a quick bite randomly did the exact same thing. It brought back that fond memory.

I decided to follow in their suit, in part as a homage to that memory. The woman asked me if we were distant soul sisters when we both squeezed our limes at the same time. Perhaps I am going to start doing this consistently after a heavy meal, on a plane, or before bed if I am not feeling my best. It is such a tiny, easy adjustment, but it can make a subtle difference in how your body feels. Sometimes the simplest wellness hacks are the best.

This week, my obsession isn't a product or a place, but something much simpler and more profound: handwritten letters.

It's a practice rooted in my childhood. Every holiday or birthday card I received always came with a thoughtful letter from my parents. It's the reason I love handwriting so much and find it such a powerful practice to continue.

I’ve reread the handwritten letter my mom gifted me from both of my parents on Dylan and I's wedding day a couple of times over the past week to feel a greater connection to them even though they are not near me.

I try to keep every single handwritten note I receive, no matter how short. It’s my way of honoring and thanking the person who took the time to go that extra mile and write it in the first place. There’s an irreplaceable strength and permanence in ink on paper that you just don’t get from a text message. It is a genuine piece of someone’s time and thought, and that is a wonderful thing to obsess over.