THE ROOT 9: 14.2

The Evolution of Connection: An Individual Sport

The quote above is directly from the Instagram Reel below. My reflection is based on the entire Reel. Thank you Valay for inspiring this post 🙂

Mel Robbins introduces a perspective on adult friendships, which she calls "The Great Scattering", that often hits in our 20s and 30s. It's about letting go of the old group dynamics we grew up with in high school and college and recognizing that building meaningful connections in adulthood becomes an individual sport. This isn't about isolating ourselves, but rather an empowering realization that creating and nurturing friendships is now entirely on us. We can't just passively wait for invitations or assume everyone will always be on the same page.

The real game-changer here is embracing the philosophy of "let them" to have this shift work in our favor. This powerful idea encourages us to release the rigid expectations that friendships always have to look a certain way. It gives us the grace to not constantly apologize or feel guilty if we're not reaching out as much during a busy period, allowing us to take space for ourselves without damaging the bond. Simultaneously, it offers our friends the same freedom to navigate their own challenges without us subconsciously holding onto resentment because they're not as present as they may have been during other periods.

This mindset also opens up incredible space for relationships to evolve naturally. Maybe your old college idea of "networking" every quarter to maintain relationships felt a bit too programmed, or you don’t know how to incorporate a new friendship into your life because it isn’t within “your group”. This approach allows for more organic connections – perhaps with a professional contact, mentor, or someone you used to view as an acquaintance – to slowly blossom into a true friendship at its own pace due to where you both are in life and the interests you share.

It means we can flow in and out of each other's lives at a unique cadence, without immediately defaulting to that negative feeling of "drifting apart" or "I don't know this person anymore." Chances are, you just don't know their latest news, and that's perfectly okay because they might not know yours either. This open posture, free from judgment or attachment to a singular narrative, paradoxically fosters more enduring connections. It acknowledges that true friendship can withstand space and change, offering a more expansive and resilient view of companionship.

Breaking the Stress Snack Cycle

Last week, I touched on how my relationship with food, especially carbs, has began to shift over the past year. It's been a journey from viewing food as an inhibitor to seeing it as pure fuel for my body and goals. But macros aside, I know one thing for sure: I am, and always have been, a stress snacker.

It doesn't matter if it's three bags of M&Ms or a pile of protein bars, I started to resent some of my favorite treats when I realized I was using them as a temporary outlet for stress. To give an example, I spent 6 weeks flying to Minnesota on a weekly basis (Sunday - Thursday) in 2023. I became obsessed with the yogurt-covered pretzels in my hotel room that came in a glass bottle alongside a bottle of M&Ms and salted peanuts. I'd look forward to getting back to my room and eating the yogurt pretzel jar to end the day. So much so, that I started requesting that my room be stocked with three jars of them, instead of the usual varied assortment. I stopped consciously enjoying the pretzels, rushing through my eating experience because I thought they were just "helping me feel better." Soon enough, I started to despise yogurt pretzels because I’d have an upset stomach from eating them all so quickly, even though they used to be a go-to sweet and salty indulgence.

Breaking the Cycle: A Mindful Approach

A while back, I practiced a version of mindful eating in therapy, and it's something I now use when I find myself reaching for the same snack for the third, fourth, or fifth time in a day. It's nothing revolutionary, but it's incredibly effective.

When you choose to snack, the idea is to focus on your food with heightened awareness. Pay attention to its appearance, aroma, texture, and taste, and simply observe how it makes you feel. It's about fully engaging all your senses and appreciating the experience of eating, rather than just rushing through it or eating while distracted.

I remember the first time we did this, I used one of my favorite snacks: The Only Bean Crunchy Roasted Edamame Beans. First, I really looked at the edamame. I took in its vibrant green hue and the subtle, golden-brown toasted edges. Then, I slowly ate one. I noticed its delicate crispness, a perfect result of being roasted. As I chewed, I caught a subtle hint of salt, and that initial crunch transformed into a more mealy consistency, releasing deeper, savory, almost earthy notes.

It might sound silly, but this act of mindful eating truly works. It helps redirect your mind to the present moment, breaking that "fight or flight" cycle that anxiety can trigger in our brains. When our amygdala starts regulating physiological responses to stress as if they were physical threats, we can get stuck in a loop. (I wrote about that last week, here)

If you find yourself stress snacking and feeling like you're stuck in a circular pattern, I encourage you to try this out. See if it helps bring you back to the present and reconnect with your body and your food.

On that note…my two favorite…
Healthy 👏 Tasty 👏 Satiating👏 Non Perishable 👏 Office 👏 Snacks
to keep in your desk drawer

Need I say more?